Hey guys I’m back
(just a 20 y.o. Korean douche; you're supposed to be 18 y.o. when taking A-Level) man. Anyways, I just ended my Cambridge Examination, Advanced Level (A-Levels) on December 1st 2017. The last paper was Physics
Multiple Choice Questions (MCQs) which apparently I am predicting at least 15 questions wrong out of 30
(Yes this is a true story).
Ok so how did I ended up in this pathetic situation, after 3 years? I’ll talk
about it below so if you’re very free, or you want to know what caused me to
experience such a tragic Junior College (JC) life, please take a few minutes of
your time to read it (:
1) I did not practice enough questions as compared to others. Like, I bet 80% of the JC people practiced more than me. There's no point in comparing ourselves with the people worse than us right? Comparing with the smarter & more hardworking people to get the discipline that we need should be the right way..
2) After practicing questions, I did not look through my own mistakes, and get the fucking idea of why did I get them wrong. Just marking them & doing corrections are not enough...
3) I had a foolish mindset, that 'it wouldn't be so bad', and that 'I wouldn't be the bottom 20% of my school'. But guess what, I am expecting to be the bottom 20% of my school for my A-Levels now.
That foolish mindset that I had was uncontrollable, and I only realised that I had such a mindset one to two months before my A-Levels.
4) I did not force myself to GET UP and JUST DO THE QUESTIONS. I slept too much for a student taking A-Level.
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BTW just in case you guys don't have the time or desire to read on, these are the summary points of my mistakes, which may be like some obvious mistakes. But yes, I made these obvious mistakes.1) I did not practice enough questions as compared to others. Like, I bet 80% of the JC people practiced more than me. There's no point in comparing ourselves with the people worse than us right? Comparing with the smarter & more hardworking people to get the discipline that we need should be the right way..
2) After practicing questions, I did not look through my own mistakes, and get the fucking idea of why did I get them wrong. Just marking them & doing corrections are not enough...
3) I had a foolish mindset, that 'it wouldn't be so bad', and that 'I wouldn't be the bottom 20% of my school'. But guess what, I am expecting to be the bottom 20% of my school for my A-Levels now.
That foolish mindset that I had was uncontrollable, and I only realised that I had such a mindset one to two months before my A-Levels.
4) I did not force myself to GET UP and JUST DO THE QUESTIONS. I slept too much for a student taking A-Level.
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Here comes the long & boring story of my JC life.
So, a quick
introduction. You are supposed to complete A Levels in 2 years.
To make it simple, after completing primary/elementary school, you're supposed to spend another 6 years before going to a University, right? For example, in South Korea, it is 3 years of Secondary School & 3 years of High School; meanwhile in Singapore, it is 4 years Secondary School & 2 years Junior College. Whatever the different school system in different countries, it is 6 years in total.
So yes, I retained in the first year(2015) as I failed my Math and Economics at both H2(Higher 2) levels. Fail is a grade “U”, and a sub-pass is a grade “S”. And yes, I got “U” for Math and Economics, and just in case you guys are wondering how bad that is, let me tell you that it is an “extremely pathetic and idiotic result”. I bet I'll remember this retarded results even after 50 years when I turn 70. Apparently, I wasn’t so bad in studies until I was in Secondary School, but I believe my brain’s capability in studies just deteriorated ever since my Ordinary Level (O-Levels) (and NO, I am not giving an excuse. I’m just trying to convince myself that it is a fact). So that adds up to me spending a total of 7 years after my Primary School education, and still facing a high risk of not even entering any of the top 3 Local Universities in Singapore - NUS, NTU, and SMU.
To make it simple, after completing primary/elementary school, you're supposed to spend another 6 years before going to a University, right? For example, in South Korea, it is 3 years of Secondary School & 3 years of High School; meanwhile in Singapore, it is 4 years Secondary School & 2 years Junior College. Whatever the different school system in different countries, it is 6 years in total.
So yes, I retained in the first year(2015) as I failed my Math and Economics at both H2(Higher 2) levels. Fail is a grade “U”, and a sub-pass is a grade “S”. And yes, I got “U” for Math and Economics, and just in case you guys are wondering how bad that is, let me tell you that it is an “extremely pathetic and idiotic result”. I bet I'll remember this retarded results even after 50 years when I turn 70. Apparently, I wasn’t so bad in studies until I was in Secondary School, but I believe my brain’s capability in studies just deteriorated ever since my Ordinary Level (O-Levels) (and NO, I am not giving an excuse. I’m just trying to convince myself that it is a fact). So that adds up to me spending a total of 7 years after my Primary School education, and still facing a high risk of not even entering any of the top 3 Local Universities in Singapore - NUS, NTU, and SMU.
Some of you may be like "Wtf dude. U just spent one more extra year in studying. What's the big deal? It's just a year." Well, fair enough. BUT, I spent 7 years in my Primary School as well (Let's not get to that sigh). So, I think I have the more rights to complain about retaining in my education life, because most of you reading this would have spent 12 years in education life, or at most 13 years.
『O-Levels' grading system goes like this: A1, A2, B3, B4, C5, C6, D7, E8 & F9.
A-Levels' grading system goes like this: A, B, C, D, E, S & U.』
And my HIGHEST grade EVER in my 3 years of my JC life is, a C. Meanwhile I could get around A2 to C5 in my Secondary School life, my grades in my JC stayed at D to U, THROUGHOUT.
And my HIGHEST grade EVER in my 3 years of my JC life is, a C. Meanwhile I could get around A2 to C5 in my Secondary School life, my grades in my JC stayed at D to U, THROUGHOUT.
But was I not "hardworking"? No, I was. But when I do a self-reflection now, I was not hardworking "as compared to the others". I, fortunately having a supportive and non-strict parents, was able to go for many many tuitions outside school, where I made some tuition friends from other JCs. Let me give some examples. In my Math tuition, there was a girl from Catholic JC (CJC girl), and 2 guys from Innova JC and River Valley High School (IJC & RV guys). Those 3 COMPLETED all the Ten-Years Series (TYS) Questions BEFORE their preliminary examinations (in September). Whereas a dumbass student SeungJun (myself) STILL have NOT completed all the TYS Questions EVEN TILL NOW(I'm just so pathetic, please send help) when A-LEVELS ARE OVER. How pathetic? Yes I agree.
Also, in my Physics tuition, there was a girl from Anderson JC called Kas**d**, who not only finished all TYS Questions a long time ago, but also did a lot of other schools' preliminary examination Questions. For example, if I completed 7 years of TYS, she completed 10 years of TYS, and ANOTHER 10 years of other schools' Prelim papers (Maybe even more). So, you guys can see a clear difference in the amount of effort I've put in as compared to those tuition friends I have mentioned. I believe this world is more or less fair, and it would reward higher A-Level grades to those tuition friends instead. It is just more fair like that. And I honestly don't believe there will be any miracle for me, as I have clearly not worked as hard as them. That's my first problem - I did not practice enough questions.
Pardon me for getting to long-winded here ↑, hope I have not lost you guys yet.
Pardon me for getting to long-winded here ↑, hope I have not lost you guys yet.
What makes me feel even more disgusted with myself is the number of school teachers I have consulted after the Mid-Years, and still ending up in this kind of situation. I was shameless enough to look for my Math teacher, Mr S***e P**, up to 3 times a week, just to ask the questions which I couldn't do. I was even more shameless to look for FOUR physics teachers (Ok that was because different teachers were available for consultations on different days, not because I didn't liked my own physics teacher). AND YET, my Math and Physics were somewhere along E-S-U on my final year (2017). What was my second problem here then? I did not try to look through my own mistakes, and internalise the concepts myself, and expected to somehow learn just by consulting my teachers.
A Head-of-Department (HOD) called Ms Tan, once told me after my preliminary examination, "You have wasted 3 years of your life in JC." OH MY. Harsh huh..but you know what? I agree with her a 100%. It was literally a slap straight on my face as it was a fact-assault!! Maybe I should have looked for her earlier, and receive more of her fact-assaults to wake up my retarded idea. How sad is my life (':
Many of you guys would not have experienced this, where ALL your bros/sisters make it up while you don't. ALL my secondary school bros did not retain like me, and most of them achieved the decent A-Level grades to enter NUS and NTU, in 2 years. When I learned that all my Secondary School bros in my clique made it to either NUS or NTU, I somehow had this uncontrollable mindset, that, 'Oh, since they did it in 2 years, I should be able to do it as I have 3 years.'...and was my mindset right? NOT AT ALL! HOW FOOLISH!! My third problem here was that I was somehow blindfolded with some blind assurance that 'I should be able to make it too', WITHOUT EVEN putting in a lot of effort. Yes, a dumb cunt me, and I probably deserve some self-reflection for at least the next 30 years of my life. I hope you readers out there reading this won't make the same kind of foolish mistake as I did, in whatever the situation.
Lastly, I just didn't had the fucking perseverance to force myself to stay awake and do the questions. I did not pinch myself to stay awake, I did not jump around & washed my face to stay awake, and so on. I was just not persistent. For 90% of the days, I went, 'Fuck I'm tired. I'm gonna sleep for 30 minutes and wake up to continue doing work!', and that failed 99% of the times. If I could go back to those days, I would really punch myself, and pull off my hair. I am really so angry at myself for my fucking weak perseverance. That was my fourth problem. Now, I am worried, as to how would I be able to persevere through next phase of my life, if I couldn't even handle A-Levels? A grave area for me to work on.
Lastly, I just didn't had the fucking perseverance to force myself to stay awake and do the questions. I did not pinch myself to stay awake, I did not jump around & washed my face to stay awake, and so on. I was just not persistent. For 90% of the days, I went, 'Fuck I'm tired. I'm gonna sleep for 30 minutes and wake up to continue doing work!', and that failed 99% of the times. If I could go back to those days, I would really punch myself, and pull off my hair. I am really so angry at myself for my fucking weak perseverance. That was my fourth problem. Now, I am worried, as to how would I be able to persevere through next phase of my life, if I couldn't even handle A-Levels? A grave area for me to work on.
I shall stop it here before I lose 100% of you guys, and if you guys have read until here, thanks man. I really appreciate your time for reading my self-reflection which includes a horrible grammar and non-aesthetic language.
I had a great family support, great teachers (I liked 80% of them, compared to 10% in Secondary School), great peer pressure, & ample amount of resources to study. I have an absolutely no excuse to screw up my A-Level, but here goes my reality - the worst and most foolish mistake of 20 years of my life; bless my soul.
On the results day in 2018, I'll enter the school with zero to bad expectations, so that I would be disappointed and devastated less.
I had a great family support, great teachers (I liked 80% of them, compared to 10% in Secondary School), great peer pressure, & ample amount of resources to study. I have an absolutely no excuse to screw up my A-Level, but here goes my reality - the worst and most foolish mistake of 20 years of my life; bless my soul.
On the results day in 2018, I'll enter the school with zero to bad expectations, so that I would be disappointed and devastated less.
Regards,
SeungJun
SeungJun