Hey guys, this is BlackjackBoy. I dunno where to start..like I'm not sure if this is even the right platform for me to rant about my life which none of you guys are supposed to be really interested in BUT, I shall do it anyways. I will try to write as short as possible. Please go to the end of this post if you just want to see the summary of why March & April of 2018 were one of the worst months for me.
So just FYI, I just completed my A Level, a Cambridge Exam in 2017, and received my results on 23rd Feb this year. Well as expected, of course I didn't score well at all and am feeling sorry to my parents and my grandmommy. However thankfully, it is not so super bad, that I need to jump into the river or wash my hair with a cursed shampoo (ok I'm sorry). Okay seriously, I am thankful that I did not end up jumping into the Singapore River.
So why were March & April one of the worst months of my life? If you know me personally or have been a lovely person and reading my blog posts, you'd know that I do have other horrible months which could also be the worst months. For example, like the June of 2016 where I had to cut open my body to remove my inflamed appendix, February of 2016 where I tried to confess to a girl that I liked for the first time in my life and got brutally rejected (but that's fine man. I take that as a good experiencestfu guys I'm not self comforting) and October & November of 2017 - during my A Level. But March & April this year was not any better for me.
Actually, February of 2018 was also not good either. For about 2 weeks before I got my A Level results, I was actually so worried as to what to do with my life that I could not even breathe properly; the exact symptom I had in Oct & Nov of 2017 during my A Level. And so I went to the swimming pool and jumped in after midnight like at 1 - 2 am, to cool down and calm my mind. On one night, I was just so anxious about getting the results that I just took off my shirt and pants, and jumped into the cold swimming pool water in my underwear. Now that I think about it, I was wearing an orange underwear that night.
SO, in March, I was extremely busy (physically and mentally) sending in my University applications. Even though my grades are definitely not suitable for most of the courses in the top 3 Universities in Singapore (NUS, NTU and SMU), I had to somehow choose the most suitable courses that I could at least give a try. Other than the top 3 Universities, I also applied to Singapore University of Technology and Design (SUTD) in which I received a brutal rejection letter on April 10th.
After finishing my University applications in the first week of March, now that all I could do was to wait for the application outcome (and still am), I had to find a part time job. Like, I can't or I should say, I shouldn't be playing around like an idiot for months before I get my application outcome (hopefully) and enter the University after July, right??! Yeah, so I tried to find a job and that's when the problem came in.
Go on and tell me, "Well it is your fault that you fucked up your A Level what. Why are you blaming your friends?" (this is the kind of thing that Randy How has the high probability to say, very annoying right. Yes I agree.). But first of all, I am not blaming those friends lmao??? They worked hard for their good grades and received their deserving-offers, and it is something to be congratulated about. But what I'm disappointed at, is their lacking sensitiveness in bluntly celebrating their success when they all know that I have nothing to celebrate about. Okay, I'm pretty sure all of them didn't have bad motives when they were sharing their happy news, but I just wish they were more sensitive. Only one of the friend in the group knew how to be sensitive and not 'brag' about getting an offer in the group chat, and told me personally instead, to give me hope and positive energy.
There is a huge difference between "yayyyy guys I got offers from all 3 universities!!!"(message) VS telling me personally "Jun, I recently got an offer. I'm sure you can also get it soon!!!". Am I right? Anyways, those close friends that annoyed me with their insensitive behaviour probably don't even realise that I am actually affected by what they have done. Tsk, I'm someone who'd usually speak up my mind to their faces, but I'm just too lazy to actually text them about it. So yeah.
Moving off track for a moment; on my A Level results day, some of my secondary school bros who are also supposed to be my top tier bros as well, decided to be insensitive and kept asking for my grades, when I didn't even asked for theirs a year before when they received their grades. Yeah, of course I was fucking pissed. Like, seriously? I know they did fucking well for A Level in 2 years when I screwed up even after 3 years. Is it really necessary for them to try so hard to find out how badly I did? Worst, this so-called bro called Theo asked for my grades 6 times. I mean, okay I get it. There are gonna be all sorts of insensitive people out there, and even those supposed to be your top tier friends could be insensitive. Or maybe I am just a super sensitive fuck. But then once again, put yourself in my shoes. Would you like to reveal your foolish grades to all your top tier friends who all did better than you? I don't think so. Especially when some of those friends have mouths as cheap as dirt on your toenails and will reveal everything to the world.
Adding on, I've heard of other close friends, those who did just a little bit better than me, and those who did just a bit worse than me. All of them received offers. Even the friend who did worse than me received one of the top 3 University's offer, the same faculty in which I applied as my first choice as well. And why is it that I still did not get any offer when people with lower grades than mine have?
Anyways wow, see the length of this 'diary' post of mine. I didn't expect it to be this long but I guess that just goes show how much complaints I have towards my March & April of 2018. Okay from deep inside my heart, I am not bragging how much I have gone through in the last few months. I'm just a 20 year old kid man. Who am I to act like some big fuck and complain about "life"? All I wanted to do, was to just share with any readers out there, how and in what ways was I suffering. Like, it'll give second-hand experience when you read about other people's life, right?😁
So just FYI, I just completed my A Level, a Cambridge Exam in 2017, and received my results on 23rd Feb this year. Well as expected, of course I didn't score well at all and am feeling sorry to my parents and my grandmommy. However thankfully, it is not so super bad, that I need to jump into the river or wash my hair with a cursed shampoo (ok I'm sorry). Okay seriously, I am thankful that I did not end up jumping into the Singapore River.
So why were March & April one of the worst months of my life? If you know me personally or have been a lovely person and reading my blog posts, you'd know that I do have other horrible months which could also be the worst months. For example, like the June of 2016 where I had to cut open my body to remove my inflamed appendix, February of 2016 where I tried to confess to a girl that I liked for the first time in my life and got brutally rejected (but that's fine man. I take that as a good experience
Actually, February of 2018 was also not good either. For about 2 weeks before I got my A Level results, I was actually so worried as to what to do with my life that I could not even breathe properly; the exact symptom I had in Oct & Nov of 2017 during my A Level. And so I went to the swimming pool and jumped in after midnight like at 1 - 2 am, to cool down and calm my mind. On one night, I was just so anxious about getting the results that I just took off my shirt and pants, and jumped into the cold swimming pool water in my underwear. Now that I think about it, I was wearing an orange underwear that night.
SO, in March, I was extremely busy (physically and mentally) sending in my University applications. Even though my grades are definitely not suitable for most of the courses in the top 3 Universities in Singapore (NUS, NTU and SMU), I had to somehow choose the most suitable courses that I could at least give a try. Other than the top 3 Universities, I also applied to Singapore University of Technology and Design (SUTD) in which I received a brutal rejection letter on April 10th.
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| rejection_letter_junsucks.jpg |
After finishing my University applications in the first week of March, now that all I could do was to wait for the application outcome (and still am), I had to find a part time job. Like, I can't or I should say, I shouldn't be playing around like an idiot for months before I get my application outcome (hopefully) and enter the University after July, right??! Yeah, so I tried to find a job and that's when the problem came in.
Just to explain quickly, citizens of Singapore are called Singaporeans. Permanent Residents (PR) are granted upon request to certain foreigners who are living in Singapore where they receive some benefits like the lower school fees, housing taxes, etc. And yeah, I am a Foreigner in Singapore without PR. Then did I apply for PR? Yes I did, my whole family did in Nov of 2017. My family is still waiting for PR even till now, May 2018 even though we have been living in Singapore since 2009. I'll skip any further complaints regarding this.
So my dad is on Employment Pass, and I am on Dependent Pass, as foreigners. And when I applied for the part time jobs I could find, this is how all of the employers responded me.
"Hi sorry but we can't hire dependent pass holders"
"All other pass, other than student pass from approved institutions by mom (Ministry of Manpower), cant work part time"
"IGNORED" - yes, an internship employer did not even reply me at all
↑ Those are the exact words I received from the employers. I became extremely frustrated.
'What??? So I am not allowed to work??? And earn some money for myself because I'm a foreigner??? This is bullshit. It doesn't make sense.' These were my thoughts towards this nonsensical happenings. So I emailed to the Ministry of Manpower (MOM), seeking for help. And a kind ma'am replied me within 12 hours:
Oh, and when I showed this response from MOM to the employers who told me that I am not allowed to work, guess what happened man. Yup they ignored me. Nice job employers, this is how you treat foreigners in your part time workforce.
Then again, as a kindhearted soul, if I put myself in their shoes, I can understand how troublesome it would be, to having to go through all the shit just to hire a foreigner, as they have to apply for the Letter of Consent (LOC) as shown in the email above. Regardless, I believe it is a fucking courtesy to at least be honest and fucking reply me that they refuse to hire me as it is too troublesome for them. I'd appreciate that much more than ignoring a pitiful foreigner that is so freaking passionate to work for them.
Also, I tried to become a relief teacher through a legitimate process called Relief Educators and Relief Allied Educator (READ) Scheme, as two of my Singaporean friends have gotten relief teaching job at secondary schools right after A Level ended, before the results were out. However, I got rejected, thrice, WITHOUT ANY EXPLANATION, to become the relief teacher. When I emailed their official helpline for the reason, they ignored me as well. So all I can think of is because either my A Level grades suck, or because I am a foreigner. Or maybe both. Who knows what's going on behind the screen man.
However, a kindhearted employer from a Food & Beverage restaurant called "Starker" decided to hire me by going through the trouble of applying LOC from the MOM. The lady that helped to apply LOC for me at the Human Resource (HR) was so patient and understanding when hiring me, so I appreciate that very much. And I'm working at Starker right now, I'm definitely getting an excellent experience, but with a few problem here and there. Maybe I'll talk about it next time when I stop working there.
Yeah, so I spent a month of my life, trying to find a job, getting rejected with no explanation or even with wrong reasons. Not being able to work even if I wanted to, and do nothing. Yeah, you may tell me, "Dude, it's normal for people to be jobless and do nothing. Don't you watch Korean Dramas?? Stop complaining like a cunt hmpt!" But haha. Hey, I am at my golden age right now. At the age of 20, I was jobless and could DO NOTHING other than getting absolute rejections. Even the underage youngsters in Korea are able to somehow get cashier jobs, and the minimum wage is 7530 won as of 2018. And all my friends were already working, either part time or full time, earning above S$800 per month. Hope I have explained why I was suffering so much mentally.
Even though I finally got a job offer, another problem came in. I wanted to make a Debit Card, so as to receive my pay from work. And also for my future. Yeah, at the golden age of 20, I was not holding onto a Debit Card till mid of April. Ever since I was looking for a job back in early March, I started looking for ways to make the Debit Card.
When I visited DBS bank and asked them if I could make a card, a lady working their at first told me that I cannot make Debit Card because I am on Dependent Pass. Hahahahah. Really??? The fuck is wrong with all these Dependent Pass rejections? But I was calm, and kindly asked if there is a way. And she told me that I need to get my latest school to write me a letter, stating my current residency. So I went down to my school (yes wth I actually went back), to ask for their letter. HOWEVER, my school somehow only had my old address and not my latest address. GOSH WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY LIFE. I got the letter with my old address anyways, just to try my luck and yes, the DBS lady (another lady this time) told me that the letter could not be used. So this is what I asked her:
"Ma'am, my school do not have my latest address which I can't get them to update as I am no longer in that school. So are you saying that I cannot hold onto a Debit Card when I will be working here? There must be a way am I right?"
"Hmm..yes but this is really complicated." The lady told me, appearing to be thinking of something.
After a while, she just told me to apply via online. Wow. What a smart move to send off an annoying foreigner kid who is trying to make a card. Anyways I did apply through the bank's official website which had a hell of long procedure. And, the bank responded me after a week, stating that the utility bill that I attached which has a proof of my residency in Singapore is not under my name. Yeah of course??? I am not the one paying the bill right??? So I attached another file from MOM stating that the person who is paying the utility bill is my dad!! And~~~they just skipped that, and blindly told me that I am not proving my residency in Singapore.
I actually lost it at that moment, I don't want to sound rude, but honestly, were they even looking at the files that I attached??? I couldn't sound kind anymore, and I replied them straight-to-the-point.
1) My latest school do not have my latest address.
2) I am not paying my utility bills which proves my residency in Singapore.
3) So I provided my utility bills paid by my dad.
4) And provided a letter from MOM stating that the person paying my utility bill is my dad.
5) If that is not enough, how else am I supposed to prove my residency in Singapore?
6)Am I suppose to take a selfie at my house??? (I was tempted to ask them this)(facepalm)
After being assaulted by me with the facts, the bank just asked me to email them again, but with another letter from Singapore Embassy, showing members of all my family. So I did, and I received my Debit Card in a week. BAMM. It was supposed to be something that easy, and I took A MONTH to get it. Can you guys understand my anger? I hope you do because I have this so-called bro called Randy How who always tries hard to prove me wrong, and tries hard to not understand my anger. But don't get me wrong, Randy How is my man, just that he angers me sometimes. 💢💣
Oh by the way, my dad was super impressed at how I managed to make a Debit Card myself, as he failed to get one for my mom who is also on Dependent Pass. 👦
Moving on, here is the issue that I have been facing in April, even till now. Let's just skip all the crap of me having problem at my finally-gotten job and so on because everyone else would face that problem. However, this particular issue that I am facing, which others may also have, has a huge impact on me especially. My dear friends succeeding and me being stagnant. Well, I'm actually used to this because I faced the reality of even my closest bros moving up to the final year in Junior College, when I retained another year. I am generally accepting of the reality that many people are going to be better than me in a lot of things. However, this was a 'special' kind of issue.
It started with a close Friend of Mine (RIP to Avicii btw - I am honestly really very sad) sending a message to our group chat saying that she has gotten an offer from NUS. And was I jealous? No, I really wasn't. I was really happy for that friend. After that, the same friend shared in the group chat that she received offers from NTU and SMU as well. Along with other friends revealing that they have also gotten offers from NUS and NTU, SMU and NTU or from all three like the first friend. And really, I was happy for them because they are my close friends.
However, at the same time when I was happy for their success in their University application, I was feeling extremely irritated and sensitive. I felt really annoyed that my close friends, who knows that I did badly for my A Level, and have not gotten any offer (even till now as of May 6th as I'm writing this) had to so insensitively share their successes in front of my face.
You know? I really hate to feel this way, but I am a human, a very fucking normal human. Wouldn't you feel the same way as me if you were to be in my shoes? Imagine you have embarrassing A Level grades and zero offer from the Universities, including a rejection letter from SUTD. And your supposed top tier friends are smashing onto your face that they received 2-3 offers. Wouldn't you honestly feel annoyed deep inside no matter how nice or idiotically kind you may be?
"Hi sorry but we can't hire dependent pass holders"
"All other pass, other than student pass from approved institutions by mom (Ministry of Manpower), cant work part time"
"IGNORED" - yes, an internship employer did not even reply me at all
↑ Those are the exact words I received from the employers. I became extremely frustrated.
'What??? So I am not allowed to work??? And earn some money for myself because I'm a foreigner??? This is bullshit. It doesn't make sense.' These were my thoughts towards this nonsensical happenings. So I emailed to the Ministry of Manpower (MOM), seeking for help. And a kind ma'am replied me within 12 hours:
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| Yeah, thanks a lot to the employers who told me that I am not allowed to work. Oh and to the one that didn't even responded to my job request, thank you fucking much. I hope you guys get as courteous treatments in future. |
Oh, and when I showed this response from MOM to the employers who told me that I am not allowed to work, guess what happened man. Yup they ignored me. Nice job employers, this is how you treat foreigners in your part time workforce.
Then again, as a kindhearted soul, if I put myself in their shoes, I can understand how troublesome it would be, to having to go through all the shit just to hire a foreigner, as they have to apply for the Letter of Consent (LOC) as shown in the email above. Regardless, I believe it is a fucking courtesy to at least be honest and fucking reply me that they refuse to hire me as it is too troublesome for them. I'd appreciate that much more than ignoring a pitiful foreigner that is so freaking passionate to work for them.
Also, I tried to become a relief teacher through a legitimate process called Relief Educators and Relief Allied Educator (READ) Scheme, as two of my Singaporean friends have gotten relief teaching job at secondary schools right after A Level ended, before the results were out. However, I got rejected, thrice, WITHOUT ANY EXPLANATION, to become the relief teacher. When I emailed their official helpline for the reason, they ignored me as well. So all I can think of is because either my A Level grades suck, or because I am a foreigner. Or maybe both. Who knows what's going on behind the screen man.
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| brutal_rejections_again.jpg |
However, a kindhearted employer from a Food & Beverage restaurant called "Starker" decided to hire me by going through the trouble of applying LOC from the MOM. The lady that helped to apply LOC for me at the Human Resource (HR) was so patient and understanding when hiring me, so I appreciate that very much. And I'm working at Starker right now, I'm definitely getting an excellent experience, but with a few problem here and there. Maybe I'll talk about it next time when I stop working there.
Yeah, so I spent a month of my life, trying to find a job, getting rejected with no explanation or even with wrong reasons. Not being able to work even if I wanted to, and do nothing. Yeah, you may tell me, "Dude, it's normal for people to be jobless and do nothing. Don't you watch Korean Dramas?? Stop complaining like a cunt hmpt!" But haha. Hey, I am at my golden age right now. At the age of 20, I was jobless and could DO NOTHING other than getting absolute rejections. Even the underage youngsters in Korea are able to somehow get cashier jobs, and the minimum wage is 7530 won as of 2018. And all my friends were already working, either part time or full time, earning above S$800 per month. Hope I have explained why I was suffering so much mentally.
Even though I finally got a job offer, another problem came in. I wanted to make a Debit Card, so as to receive my pay from work. And also for my future. Yeah, at the golden age of 20, I was not holding onto a Debit Card till mid of April. Ever since I was looking for a job back in early March, I started looking for ways to make the Debit Card.
When I visited DBS bank and asked them if I could make a card, a lady working their at first told me that I cannot make Debit Card because I am on Dependent Pass. Hahahahah. Really??? The fuck is wrong with all these Dependent Pass rejections? But I was calm, and kindly asked if there is a way. And she told me that I need to get my latest school to write me a letter, stating my current residency. So I went down to my school (yes wth I actually went back), to ask for their letter. HOWEVER, my school somehow only had my old address and not my latest address. GOSH WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY LIFE. I got the letter with my old address anyways, just to try my luck and yes, the DBS lady (another lady this time) told me that the letter could not be used. So this is what I asked her:
"Ma'am, my school do not have my latest address which I can't get them to update as I am no longer in that school. So are you saying that I cannot hold onto a Debit Card when I will be working here? There must be a way am I right?"
"Hmm..yes but this is really complicated." The lady told me, appearing to be thinking of something.
After a while, she just told me to apply via online. Wow. What a smart move to send off an annoying foreigner kid who is trying to make a card. Anyways I did apply through the bank's official website which had a hell of long procedure. And, the bank responded me after a week, stating that the utility bill that I attached which has a proof of my residency in Singapore is not under my name. Yeah of course??? I am not the one paying the bill right??? So I attached another file from MOM stating that the person who is paying the utility bill is my dad!! And~~~they just skipped that, and blindly told me that I am not proving my residency in Singapore.
I actually lost it at that moment, I don't want to sound rude, but honestly, were they even looking at the files that I attached??? I couldn't sound kind anymore, and I replied them straight-to-the-point.
1) My latest school do not have my latest address.
2) I am not paying my utility bills which proves my residency in Singapore.
3) So I provided my utility bills paid by my dad.
4) And provided a letter from MOM stating that the person paying my utility bill is my dad.
5) If that is not enough, how else am I supposed to prove my residency in Singapore?
6)
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| my face when they were giving me all the bullshit |
After being assaulted by me with the facts, the bank just asked me to email them again, but with another letter from Singapore Embassy, showing members of all my family. So I did, and I received my Debit Card in a week. BAMM. It was supposed to be something that easy, and I took A MONTH to get it. Can you guys understand my anger? I hope you do because I have this so-called bro called Randy How who always tries hard to prove me wrong, and tries hard to not understand my anger. But don't get me wrong, Randy How is my man, just that he angers me sometimes. 💢💣
Oh by the way, my dad was super impressed at how I managed to make a Debit Card myself, as he failed to get one for my mom who is also on Dependent Pass. 👦
Moving on, here is the issue that I have been facing in April, even till now. Let's just skip all the crap of me having problem at my finally-gotten job and so on because everyone else would face that problem. However, this particular issue that I am facing, which others may also have, has a huge impact on me especially. My dear friends succeeding and me being stagnant. Well, I'm actually used to this because I faced the reality of even my closest bros moving up to the final year in Junior College, when I retained another year. I am generally accepting of the reality that many people are going to be better than me in a lot of things. However, this was a 'special' kind of issue.
It started with a close Friend of Mine (RIP to Avicii btw - I am honestly really very sad) sending a message to our group chat saying that she has gotten an offer from NUS. And was I jealous? No, I really wasn't. I was really happy for that friend. After that, the same friend shared in the group chat that she received offers from NTU and SMU as well. Along with other friends revealing that they have also gotten offers from NUS and NTU, SMU and NTU or from all three like the first friend. And really, I was happy for them because they are my close friends.
However, at the same time when I was happy for their success in their University application, I was feeling extremely irritated and sensitive. I felt really annoyed that my close friends, who knows that I did badly for my A Level, and have not gotten any offer (even till now as of May 6th as I'm writing this) had to so insensitively share their successes in front of my face.
You know? I really hate to feel this way, but I am a human, a very fucking normal human. Wouldn't you feel the same way as me if you were to be in my shoes? Imagine you have embarrassing A Level grades and zero offer from the Universities, including a rejection letter from SUTD. And your supposed top tier friends are smashing onto your face that they received 2-3 offers. Wouldn't you honestly feel annoyed deep inside no matter how nice or idiotically kind you may be?
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| stop making me crave for alcohol guys.. |
Go on and tell me, "Well it is your fault that you fucked up your A Level what. Why are you blaming your friends?" (this is the kind of thing that Randy How has the high probability to say, very annoying right. Yes I agree.). But first of all, I am not blaming those friends lmao??? They worked hard for their good grades and received their deserving-offers, and it is something to be congratulated about. But what I'm disappointed at, is their lacking sensitiveness in bluntly celebrating their success when they all know that I have nothing to celebrate about. Okay, I'm pretty sure all of them didn't have bad motives when they were sharing their happy news, but I just wish they were more sensitive. Only one of the friend in the group knew how to be sensitive and not 'brag' about getting an offer in the group chat, and told me personally instead, to give me hope and positive energy.
There is a huge difference between "yayyyy guys I got offers from all 3 universities!!!"(message) VS telling me personally "Jun, I recently got an offer. I'm sure you can also get it soon!!!". Am I right? Anyways, those close friends that annoyed me with their insensitive behaviour probably don't even realise that I am actually affected by what they have done. Tsk, I'm someone who'd usually speak up my mind to their faces, but I'm just too lazy to actually text them about it. So yeah.
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| my favourite actress' quote to every so-called 'success' people out there |
Moving off track for a moment; on my A Level results day, some of my secondary school bros who are also supposed to be my top tier bros as well, decided to be insensitive and kept asking for my grades, when I didn't even asked for theirs a year before when they received their grades. Yeah, of course I was fucking pissed. Like, seriously? I know they did fucking well for A Level in 2 years when I screwed up even after 3 years. Is it really necessary for them to try so hard to find out how badly I did? Worst, this so-called bro called Theo asked for my grades 6 times. I mean, okay I get it. There are gonna be all sorts of insensitive people out there, and even those supposed to be your top tier friends could be insensitive. Or maybe I am just a super sensitive fuck. But then once again, put yourself in my shoes. Would you like to reveal your foolish grades to all your top tier friends who all did better than you? I don't think so. Especially when some of those friends have mouths as cheap as dirt on your toenails and will reveal everything to the world.
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| What if your close friends decided to be the bitches though. Ah right. Don't worry about them and live on. Wish I could be as strong as her. |
Adding on, I've heard of other close friends, those who did just a little bit better than me, and those who did just a bit worse than me. All of them received offers. Even the friend who did worse than me received one of the top 3 University's offer, the same faculty in which I applied as my first choice as well. And why is it that I still did not get any offer when people with lower grades than mine have?
It is because they are Singaporeans, and I am a foreigner. Singapore is giving priorities in granting University acceptance to the Singaporeans and PRs, instead of a mere foreigner like me. And I get it, I absolutely understand why it has to be like this. Of course the privilege has to be given to the Singaporeans first, because this is Singapore. Like how such privilege is given to the Koreans in Korea first instead of the foreigners.....I hope?
Once again, even though I am happy for those friends who received their offers with grades similar to mine, I uncontrollably became jealous. I thought that if I were to be a Singaporean, or at least a PR which I should have gotten by now, I would have gotten my University offer already. I hate to be salty over this kind of matter but once again, I am a human. And I'm not afraid to reveal that I do feel jealous or annoyed at these situations. I believe it's better for us to just be ourselves than to show the fake side of us to the others.
Accept me for who I am and if not, I guess we can't be friends. At the end of the day, you don't need everyone to like you, or be your friends. I saw this quote from a website called greatperformersacademy dot com;
"Be yourself and totally genuine. Some will like you and others will not. Use your time and energy to focus on exactly what you desire for your future. Also, don't waste time impressing people that you do not like."
Accept me for who I am and if not, I guess we can't be friends. At the end of the day, you don't need everyone to like you, or be your friends. I saw this quote from a website called greatperformersacademy dot com;
"Be yourself and totally genuine. Some will like you and others will not. Use your time and energy to focus on exactly what you desire for your future. Also, don't waste time impressing people that you do not like."
erm...preach that↑
It's like how we shouldn't act or try so hard to only show the good sides of ourselves to our significant others, agree? Yes I agree. 😄
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| her Red Sparrow was amazing btw |
Finally, this one is funny, in a bad way. Another friend of mine in another group chat messaged, "GUYS I got offer from NUS and SMU!!! WHICH ONE SHOULD I GO". Wow, hahahahahah. All I could do was to congratulate that friend. As much as I feel that this friend is being insensitive as well, I'd like to take it as this friend really wanted to ask the close friends for different opinions. So I won't complain much to this. However, I just can't understand people who brag their University offers on their social media. Really? Bragging that you got all 3 University offers, with the caption, "which one should I go, NUS NTU or SMU?" or posting picture of that Uni offer on your insta story?
Come on, these people have hundreds of followers, and do they really want to show off to hundreds of people that they are so blessed with Uni offers? There are thousands of people every year who are desperately trying to get into any of the top 3 Universities, and they fail to do so due to their grades. I feel that successful people shouldn't be bragging about their achievements when it is so obvious that there are people around them, devastated with their current failures. Even the insensitive bros that I have didn't show off their grades on their social media, although they showed off to me maybe because we're close.
I am really not being salty this time. I genuinely disrespect those people that brag sensitive stuffs such as Uni offers, exam results and so on. I'm just amused at how those people can be so shameless. For me, those insensitive humans are either:
a) purely wanting to show off their achievements without thinking about others, or
b) literally bragging to hundreds of people how smart they are.
Which are both bad.
 |
| ffs |
Anyways wow, see the length of this 'diary' post of mine. I didn't expect it to be this long but I guess that just goes show how much complaints I have towards my March & April of 2018. Okay from deep inside my heart, I am not bragging how much I have gone through in the last few months. I'm just a 20 year old kid man. Who am I to act like some big fuck and complain about "life"? All I wanted to do, was to just share with any readers out there, how and in what ways was I suffering. Like, it'll give second-hand experience when you read about other people's life, right?😁
Even though I dare to say, that average people(meaning five people out of ten) around my age wouldn't go through as much sufferings as I do; actually, I have not seen a single person around my age who had appendix operation, spend a month+ to find a part time job & make a Debit Card, and etc.
I am damn sure, and it is a fact that there are so much people out there having much much more sufferings than me. Kids dying due to dirty water in Nigeria, Pakistan and so on. Kids in Africa suffering from hunger. Financially unstable people not even having access to basic necessities, so on and so forth. I feel that I don't even have any rights to complain about those kind of things I mentioned above.
There is a popular saying in Korea called, "호강에 겨워 요강에 똥싼다" which is pronounced as "hogang-eh gyeowo yogang-eh ddong ssan da". You say that to someone that is so fortunate and spoon-fed with life that he can literally take a shit using a chamber pot in his bedroom. In the modern days, it is used to diss someone who is not even really suffering that much, but is complaining too much. I'm prepared to hear people saying that to me...but don't diss me too much man😆😃
But hey, this is 2018. We're living in democratic countries (Okay if you're not, then I'm sorry), we can say what we want as long as it doesn't cause racial and religious conflict. Regardless, pardon me for such a boring and perhaps-irksome post. I'm probably going to regret writing some of the things I wrote here in the future. But that's okay, because this will be the memory of how I felt at this point of my life.
1) Sending in Uni applications with my bad A Level results
2) Getting rejected for all part time jobs for a month with wrong reasons
3) Getting rejected to become a relief teacher for a month with no explanation
= not being able to work even if I want to; unemployed and useless
4) Took a month+ to make a Debit Card cos of various retarded reasons
5) Receive uncontrollable salt from my close friends' successful Uni application &
get annoyed by their insensitive behaviour
6) Seeing people bragging about their successful Uni application on their instagram;
felt like being in Secondary school all over again, where some kids bragged how well
they did for some math test. Gosh.. Really?
7) STILL waiting for my Uni application outcome (May), no one around me has
not received an offer like me. Everyone has.
8*) I'm somehow interested in a girl for the second time in my life, and I'm kinda
falling to pieces slowly because I'm not sure how to make any progress
but wait!! I am inexperienced in this after all
Ya know, it is actually mentally draining to have an interest towards someone,
but you can't really do much about it.Sua I gna stay solo forever
*Something that I don't really want to talk about
And...that's the end! To anyone of you out there who were patient enough to read till this point..I can't thank you enough for your time. If you have any life stories or fictional stories that you wrote which you want me give support, please let me know.
We all live too short to actually give a damn about people we dislike, and be devastated by current failures and challenges man. Cheers to all of us who should mature up bit by bit everyday.
Regards,
SeungJun
https://www.buzzfeed.com/elliewoodward/inspiring-jennifer-lawrence-quotes-every-girl-should-live?utm_term=.mmVD2bB4L1#.we8mkGy1YX
Greatperformersacademy:
http://greatperformersacademy.com/interesting/20-life-lessons-that-every-20-year-old-needs-to-learn
"Work hard in silence" quote:
https://quotefancy.com/quote/199926/Frank-Ocean-Work-hard-in-silence-let-your-success-be-your-noise
But hey, this is 2018. We're living in democratic countries (Okay if you're not, then I'm sorry), we can say what we want as long as it doesn't cause racial and religious conflict. Regardless, pardon me for such a boring and perhaps-irksome post. I'm probably going to regret writing some of the things I wrote here in the future. But that's okay, because this will be the memory of how I felt at this point of my life.
 |
| Recently on May 3rd when I donated my blood, I came across Takalah Tan, a tragic brain injury survivor in 1994. He was so strong enough to live on although he lost his memory and was in extreme pain. Meeting him, I felt foolish for even complaining about the puny things, and decided to be positive w life. (Randy How may say, "Bruh, why you showing off that you donated blood." Well I'm not. Isn't it good to spread the message to ask people to donate blood, if they're healthy, as it saves lives?) |
 |
| Let me end off with this quote that caught my attention, and got me thinking deeply. Even the super-busy actress Jennifer Lawrence forces out her time to get dinner or sleepover with her friends, at least once a week. I realised I don't have any reason to procrastinate in catching up with my bros and sisters. I shall meet up with my friends more often from now. |
♣♧♣♧♣♧♣♧♣♧♣♧♣♧♣
SUMMARY:1) Sending in Uni applications with my bad A Level results
2) Getting rejected for all part time jobs for a month with wrong reasons
3) Getting rejected to become a relief teacher for a month with no explanation
= not being able to work even if I want to; unemployed and useless
4) Took a month+ to make a Debit Card cos of various retarded reasons
5) Receive uncontrollable salt from my close friends' successful Uni application &
get annoyed by their insensitive behaviour
6) Seeing people bragging about their successful Uni application on their instagram;
felt like being in Secondary school all over again, where some kids bragged how well
they did for some math test. Gosh.. Really?
7) STILL waiting for my Uni application outcome (May), no one around me has
not received an offer like me. Everyone has.
8*) I'm somehow interested in a girl for the second time in my life, and I'm kinda
falling to pieces slowly because I'm not sure how to make any progress
but you can't really do much about it.
*Something that I don't really want to talk about
♣♧♣♧♣♧♣♧♣♧♣♧♣♧♣
And...that's the end! To anyone of you out there who were patient enough to read till this point..I can't thank you enough for your time. If you have any life stories or fictional stories that you wrote which you want me give support, please let me know.
We all live too short to actually give a damn about people we dislike, and be devastated by current failures and challenges man. Cheers to all of us who should mature up bit by bit everyday.
Regards,
SeungJun
----------------------------------------------------
Jennifer Lawrence quotes:https://www.buzzfeed.com/elliewoodward/inspiring-jennifer-lawrence-quotes-every-girl-should-live?utm_term=.mmVD2bB4L1#.we8mkGy1YX
Greatperformersacademy:
http://greatperformersacademy.com/interesting/20-life-lessons-that-every-20-year-old-needs-to-learn
"Work hard in silence" quote:
https://quotefancy.com/quote/199926/Frank-Ocean-Work-hard-in-silence-let-your-success-be-your-noise