"Somebody...help me...!" I try to scream out loud, but I am only mumbling to myself.
I am lying down in a deep wood, with muscle spasms all over my body. My entire body twitches in pain, as blood gushes out everywhere from my opened fleshes that has been cut and stabbed by knife.
"Ah... Fuck..." I try to sit up but to no avail.
Karma : a person's actions seen as affecting their future fate
I remember reading the meaning of karma in the Oxford English Dictionary a long time ago.
When I first read the meaning of karma, it was very logical to me. However, I totally neglected it.
When I first read the meaning of karma, it was very logical to me. However, I totally neglected it.
"Karma karma karma is looking for you
What you gonna do when they come for you
Karma karma karma is gonna find you
What you gonna do huh?"
This lyrics just pops up in my mind. This lyrics is from CL(2NE1)'s solo song, MTBD - Mental Breakdown (멘붕). Whenever I heard the song, I asked myself whether I should believe in karma and do good things. So that karma would not find me, like what the lyrics said.
'Fuck my life...I should have fucking believed in karma... What the fuck was I thinking all those times?' I ask myself, as I continue to be in a deep torment. There is pain everywhere in my body, like literally everywhere. Suddenly, there's a sharp pain in my head.
"Ouch...ouch...FUCK!!!" I force my head to lean on the cold ground. Tears flow out from my eyes, washing away some of the blood stains on my face.
As tears keep flowing out, I think of all the bad and fucked up things I've done . . .
-------------------------
Being born without even knowing who my parents are, my life was already ridiculous from the beginning. I was raised in a free and a small orphanage, in which the government did not took care of. My life was pretty fine there, growing up with other kids who were also without parents.
Whatever we did as we grew up, we considered it as fine, as very few people taught us what is morally right and wrong. Bullying other people physically and verbally, using vulgarity, shaking leg, spitting anywhere and so on were not considered wrong to us, or at least me.
Studying wasn't even a concern to me at all.
'What's those shit and useless studies for? I am not gonna do it.' I used to tell myself.
Why didn't I realized earlier that studying is a basic thing that everyone must do, to be able to survive in the world? Regardless of how stupid and nonsensical studies were, I should have still persevered and done it.I was brainless when I was at the age of 16. Of course, I did not even studied. Even when I had to leave my orphanage at the age of 18, I was still a dumb shit. I blame my orphamage partially though, because they never told me to study. Maybe they did, when I was young, which I would not have listened. I guess the people in the orphanage gave up telling me to study because I just wouldn't do it. But again, that's because I was still young! If they constantly educated me that studying in important, then my life wouldn't have been so horrible and pitiful.
How the hell did I even spend 18 years of my life in the fucking orphanage? My childhood, the lovely period of my teenage years had been wasted in the orphanage and it is completely forgotten by everyone. I feel so depressed, sad and feel like vomiting whenever I think of how my childhood had been fucked up in the fucking orphanage.
For most of the other kids with parents, they would have had spoon-fed lives with countless pictures and memories of their childhood.
Me? Not even a single fuck.
I don't even know how I really looked like when I was young. What an absolutely crap life.
Almost no one would understand this horrifying feeling of not having been loved, and not having any cozy childhood. All I can remember about my childhood is just playing, slacking and waiting for time to pass. How pathetic.
Straightly after leaving the orphanage, I joined a gang. The gang was not the kind of gang in the movies where they do drug deals, killing, rioting and so on. It was a simple gang where we just played and had fun together, without actually thinking of how our lives would turn out. We found places to sleep and even worked sometimes, mostly in factories.
I used to ask my friends. "Hey, do you believe in Karma?"
"You mean Karma from League of Legends? Of course I don't believe in her! She sucks so much and is useless!" All of them replied me like that.
"No, fuck you." It was literally pointless to ask them such questions. They were even more hopeless than me.
But, it was me who started to go on a wrong direction.
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<Killing Animals>
I killed many animals. I was a cold-blooded and an insane guy.
I once saw a black cat on our way to sauna after drinking alcohol and spending more than 15 hours playing computer games with my gang. My gang did not give a shit about the black cat, but I did. When I saw the black cat glaring at me, I became mad.
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| Sauna - where you can sleep |
"What the fuck are you staring at? Huh? Small dick cat?" I shouted at the cat.
"Haha let him settle the cat, let's go first" one of my gang member told the rest. My gang went off.
"Meow..." the black cat glared at me, as if unhappy.
I lost my mind when the cat glared at me, and started kicking the cat roughly.
"MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!!!" the black cat cried loud as I kicked everywhere on its body.
When the cat lay flat on the ground, I spit on the floor and smirked. Then, I picked up a rock and started smashing the cat's head until there was no more response from the cat's body.
"HA! That's what you get for glaring at me, stupid cat!" I laughed as I walked away, without feeling bad at all.
I also once saw a dog, after drinking and playing for a long time, when my mind was about to break down.
Then, the dog started to bark at me, or maybe it was at my gang. But I was really disturbed and irritated by the dog's barking.
"Hey you DOG, stop barking!" I shouted at him, with half-drunken voice.
The dog then barked louder and more aggressively. Now then I think of it, the dog must have been either scared or felt bad seeing me shouting in the middle of the night.
My gang left me alone again to settle with the dog. They really were not interested in entertaining the animals.
When they left, I looked around to see whether anyone was around the area. When I was certain that no one was there to look, I started kicking the dog, just like how I kicked the black cat.
"DIE YOU DOG! DIE BITCH!" I screamed like a mad guy.
As I kicked the dog nonstop, the dog stopped barking, but it started moaning very painfully.
I literally kicked the dog until it died. The dog was bleeding everywhere from his face to his entire body. I was satisfied to have made the dog stop barking, and walked off happily.
I brutally killed a few cats and dogs just like that, just because I was unhappy.
<Beating up Innocent People>
I would mostly start a violent fight with other gang by giving them an unnecessarily negative attitude.
An example would be, when one of the other gang member happened to accidentally hit my shoulder. I would be an asshole and react aggressively.
"Fuck you. Why the fuck did you push my shoulder? Want to fucking die?" I glared daggers at the gang as I pushed his shoulder back, very harshly.
Of course, the fight would break out, and my entire gang would join in to fight. Usually, the fight would end up getting the other gang beaten up until they cannot even stand up.
Sometimes, I even stabbed the gang member who pissed me off with a knife. I don't think I killed those people, but they must have suffered a lot thanks to me.
<Death threatening & Physical abuse and harass>
As I played countless online games with my gang, I encountered a lot of rude and irritating people that pissed me off. I don't remember how I did it, but I always found those people in real life and beat them up. I also took all their belongings including all their money possesions, and threatened them.
"You are fucking lucky to be alive. You better not play that damn game again, idiot asshole. If you tell your mom or anyone about me, I will KILL YOU!"
And those guys were so scared to do anything, and shivered as I walked away.
When the people happened to be a girl, I only punched them a bit, but dragged them to a remote place and forcefully raped them, when they looked appealing enough. I threatened them by even taking photos of their bodies.
"If you fucking tell anyone about this, I will send your photo to everyone and post on the Internet! So shut the fuck up!"
And that was not it, I raped some of them continuously with the same threatening. I even raped random pretty girls that I saw on streets at night.
I heard that some of the girls committed suicide because of me. But, I did not feel bad or guilty at all.---------------------
It is today that made me realise that karma has finally come for me.
After drinking and singing in Karaoke, my gang and I was walking back to our secret hideout to sleep.
When we were walking along an isolated street, quite a number of guys came out of nowhere and started smashing my gang members' head with rocks and metal bars.
All of them screamed as they fell to the ground.
"What?? NO!! STOP!!" I screamed, but could not do anything as two big-sized guys were holding onto me tightly. When all of my gang members fainted, a guys came up to me and glared at me.
He suddenly slapped me really hard.
"Ah..." I moaned in agony.
Then, he used a rock to smash my head, so hard that I lost my consciousness.
~
When I regained my consciousness. My head felt like it was breaking into pieces.
"Wake up." one guy said fiercely as he punched my stomach. I cried out loud in pain.
"You have no idea who we are. You also do not know why are we doing this." he said.
"You are the one that made our girlfriends commit suicide. And you are going to fucking pay for it." another guy said firmly.
I was terrified, and was shocked to accept what was happening to me. I looked around to see where I was: I was in a deep wood which I have never been to before. There were four guys in front of me, and the two big-sized guys were still holding onto me, making sure that I could not even move at all.
The four guys took out small knives, and started stabbing and slashing everywhere on my body without warning.
The four guys took out small knives, and started stabbing and slashing everywhere on my body without warning.
I got stabbed slashed non-stop.
They did it too fast that I could not even scream. As I was feeling the extreme pain everywhere on my body every second, I started to feel the pain that the guys, girls, and the animals felt as I harassed them.
I have no idea how long did that stabbing and slashing last. They roughly thrusted me down onto the floor, and they disappeared.
-------------------------
'Sigh... How cruel, merciless and ruthless I was...' I tell myself while I am still laying down on the woods.
I cough, and blood comes out from my mouth.
The torture that I am going through is unbearable.
Suddenly,
"Meow.....".
'Holy fuck! What's that sound?'.
The sound came from the left.
Goosebump starts to come out from my neck, and I slowly turn my head around...
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"AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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| Grim Reaper |
"It is time for you to leave this world. Your world beyond death shall continue..."
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| Hell |
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※ Use of animal abuse in this story is just an example. Say NO to animal abuse.
- Try your best to do good things in your life, whether you believe in karma or not.
...You can see how horrible is the life of the main character.
Cheers,
Jun